Difficult situations
The first time I took on a big pitch project, our creative director didn’t like the initial ideas and as usual the deadline for the presentation was getting closer. I understood the direction our creative director wanted to take and worked with our strategist on a new approach (springboard) for our creative team. However, the team insisted on their ideas and did not want to work on a new approach. I sought advice from my team leads and wanted to know how I could convince the creative team (two very experienced freelancers) to try the new approach. But instead of giving me advice and discussing the situation with me, they rushed off and sorted it out. Shortly after the meeting, my team leads had taken over the project… From my point of view it was never in danger at any time. I didn’t understand them and their actions – I was just looking for advice and wanted to agree on how to proceed. The project was a success. The strategy and the new approach were very well received and my team leads distinguished themselves with the project – at least that’s how I felt at the time.
This is just one of several examples and I am sure everyone knows the situation where managers interfere instead of trusting their team members and letting them handle the situation. Of course, I know that sometimes it is not so easy to find the right balance and one can tend to take over difficult situations too quickly. However, I believe that by doing so, you are denying your team members the chance to learn and to make their own experiences. How am I supposed to know how to do it better or differently next time if I have only learned that if I have a problem, my bosses will take care of it.
So I take a different approach – because in every job there are difficult situations. Be it a conversation with a dissatisfied team member/colleague/customer, an unpleasant announcement that has to be made or, as above, colleagues who refuse to follow up a new idea…
I believe that the only way to learn how to deal with difficult situations/conversations is to have them yourself. Meaning, I go through the situation with my team members and analyse who might have what attitude and why.
I then let my team members lead the conversation alone (depending on the situation) or together in consultation. During the conversation I support with Post Its on which I give assistance or make comments and of course I intervene if the situation requires it. However, my experience is that this is very rarely necessary and my team members come out of the conversation/situation much more confident. It is a feeling of success for them when they realise that they themselves have mastered this difficult-seeming situation.
In home office and video chatting times, this method is even easier to implement. Instead of Post-Its, I can simply use a separate chat and don’t have to try to pass the Post-Its to my neighbour without being noticed. Of course, you should also make sure that you don’t look like you are writing all the time and messages should generally be very short. Nothing is more unpleasant than being caught not paying attention.
Depending on the person and the situation, my messages varied from warnings/observations „Attention, the customer wants to go in the following direction …“ or „Careful, don’t promise anything“ to help in leading the conversation „Now bring up your arguments“, „Don’t get insecure“ to motivational sayings like „Great, done „or smileys.
It was a change for my team, as I gave them much more responsibility and did not take the „reins“ as usual. I noticed that my team members reacted to difficult conversations/situations in three different ways.
1.Take flight
If a difficult conversation or situation arose, these team members took flight and wanted to hand over the task immediately. They avoided any kind of confrontation. It is important to find out why they react this way. Is it fear, lack of confidence or something cultural? Based on this, you can then develop a plan to reduce this behaviour. One of my team members was very afraid to say something wrong and upset our client. I thought about the worst-case scenario with her, which we both considered rather unlikely, and we developed a series of arguments for our plan. I practised the conversation with her and asked her to bring up two of the arguments when I asked her to do so during the conversation. The client was enthusiastic about her arguments and she was happy after the conversation. You could see the weight falling off her shoulders. From then on it was easier for her to take over parts of the conversation until after a few months she took it over completely.
2. Denial
Difficulties – What difficulties? This group likes to hide the difficulties and/or solve them on their own. It has been my experience that these people either do not trust the Team Lead because they have had bad experiences of being open with the Team Lead. Or they overestimate themselves and do not see what consequences their behaviour can have. In the case of the first reason, it is a good idea to have an open discussion and find out what the reason for the lack of trust might be. Here it is important to build up trust for example by asking the person for advice or sharing your own difficult situation. In the case of the second reason of overestimation, one should also seek a serious and open discussion and make the team member aware of his/her actions and the associated consequences. Depending on his character, the candidate will either quickly realise that he/she has caused himself/herself more problems as a result or he/she will be undiscerning – which could then have something to do with his/her ego. I have made the experience that sometimes you have to let someone run into a wall so that they can make their own experiences and learn lessons from them.
3.Seeking advice
These team members are usually looking for support and want to discuss their approach. Here, however, you also have to be careful not to provide them too much. Some tend to always want a ready-made solution.
No matter what kind of types you have in your team, it’s great to see them develop and learn how to handle difficult situations/conversations.
My advice
- Create an open and trusting relationship with your team members so they know they can come to you with their challenges.
- Listen carefully to your team member and find out what their problem is.
- Discuss the situation with them and think about the reasons/needs why a colleague, client or team member might have acted the way they did or how they would act if they received the information.
- Practise the situation/conversation with your team member and play the other party. It may be strange at first, but after a while it is a lot of fun and sharpens the team members‘ senses to put themselves in the shoes of other people and their needs.
- Carefully give support in the conversation through Post-Its or via chat.
- Only intervene if you have the feeling that the situation is tipping over or your team member is overwhelmed with the situation.
- If your team member is not confident in the situation and it is critical. Introduce the team member slowly by guiding the conversation and engaging your team member through simple tasks. For example, let them open the conversation and introduce everyone or make agreed arguments. Little by little give her more responsibility until she/he can lead the conversation on her own.
